A pat down search on a residential street

Module 5 · THE FIVE MOMENTS · Lesson 2 of 2

The gun, the struggle, and your boys

The two moments with the worst outcomes, and the one variable that is not you.

Lesson 10 of 12

Start here

Three of you in the car. You are driving. You have nothing on you and you know that for certain.

You do not know what is in your friend's jacket, and you have never asked.

Lights.

1
The lawful gun

Philando Castile had a permit. He told the officer before he was asked. He was calm. He was killed in about seven seconds.

This course is not going to pretend there is a protocol that would have saved him. There may not have been one. What follows is what is generally recommended and it is offered honestly, as odds, not as a promise.

> [STATE BOX · Firearms] > Whether your state requires you to tell an officer you are armed, what exactly you are required to say, and when. This varies enormously and it is the box to read twice. > Florida shown as example. Florida allows carry without a permit as of July 2023. The duty to inform and the exact wording is a question your state box answers, and your facilitator has the current attorney reviewed version.

What is generally recommended.

Hands on the wheel, high, before he arrives. Say it at the very beginning, before anything else, before he asks for documents.

Officer, I need to tell you something. I have a firearm in the vehicle. I am not going to reach for anything. Tell me what you want me to do.

Then do not move at all. Not for the permit, not for the licence, not to point. Let him direct every single motion from there.

And say it slowly. The word firearm at speed sounds different than the word firearm said slowly.

2
The struggle

Garner. Lyoya. Nichols.

Every one of those started as something ordinary and became fatal the moment it became physical.

Once hands are on you, the situation has changed categories. Whatever it was about is over. It is now about the struggle, and struggles have their own physics: more officers arrive, force escalates, and everything gets read as resistance including things that are not.

Go limp is not the instruction, because it can be read as resisting too. The instruction is: stop moving and say what you are doing.

I am not resisting. I am not resisting. Tell me what to do with my hands.

Say it out loud, repeatedly, and here is why. It is the one thing on a recording that a jury can hear. It is for the officer, and it is also for the camera, and the camera matters later.

And do not brace. Bracing feels like the opposite of fighting and it looks identical to it from behind.

3
Your boys

This is the one nobody teaches and it is how most young men actually end up in these situations.

You can do everything in this book correctly and be sitting completely still while somebody two feet from you turns the whole thing into something else.

The passenger who reaches. For a phone, for a bag, for anything. Everybody in the car pays for it.

The one who talks. Argues, records loudly, gets in it. The stop was thirty seconds from over.

The one who runs. And now everybody in the car is part of a pursuit.

The one carrying something you did not know about. And you are in a car with it, which in most states is a legal problem for you too.

So the work happens before the car moves. Not during. One conversation, once, with the people you actually ride with.

If we get stopped: hands out, nobody talks but me, nobody moves, nobody gets out.

And the harder half. Is there anything in this car I need to know about. Ask it before you pull off. If the answer makes the ride not worth it, that is information you needed anyway.

4
The question under all of it

Here is the thing this lesson is actually about.

The people you ride with are a decision you make.

That is not a lecture about picking better friends, and this course is not going to insult you by pretending that is simple. Some of those people are your family. Some of them were there when nobody else was.

But it is still a decision, and it is one of the very few in this whole book that you make with a clear head, days in advance, with nobody standing over you.

Every other moment in this course happens in ten seconds under pressure. This one you get to make on a Tuesday afternoon, calm, with all the time in the world.

That makes it the most powerful decision in the entire course, and almost nobody treats it that way.

The one decision you make with a clear head is who is in the car.

The workEight questions

Two of these nobody reads. They are marked.

1Written

Write the firearm sentence, exactly as you would say it. Then read your state box and correct it if you need to.

2Written

Write what you say when hands are already on you. Word for word.

3Nobody reads this

Is there somebody you ride with who you already know is a risk? You do not have to do anything about it. Just answer it.

4Choose one

Your friend starts arguing with the officer through your window. What do you do?

  • ATell him to be quiet, right then, out loud
  • BSay nothing. It is not my business
  • CBack him up. He is right
  • DApologise to the officer for him
5Written

Write the sentence you are going to say to your people before the car moves. In your words, not mine.

6Choose one

You ask if there is anything in the car and somebody says nah too fast. What do you do?

  • ADrive. I asked
  • BAsk again, directly, and mean it
  • CEverybody gets out and we are not going
  • DI would never ask in the first place
7Nobody reads this

Have you ever been in a car and known something was in it? What did you tell yourself.

8Written

Name one person you ride with who would back you up if you said all of this to them.

DeeperThree reflections

Nobody reads these.

  1. 1

    Write about a time somebody else's decision cost you. What it cost, and whether you saw it coming.

  2. 2

    Write the conversation you need to have with one specific person you ride with. All of it, including what he says back.

  3. 3

    Write about what you owe the people who were there for you, and where the line is. There is a line. Find yours.

Before you go

Five moments. Hands, doors, running, the gun, the struggle. Every case in Lesson 1.1 turns on one of them.

And the fifth thing, the one that is not a moment, is the people around you. That one is not about them being bad. It is about the fact that you cannot run this course from the passenger seat of somebody who has never heard any of it.

Which means the most useful thing you could do with this book is hand it to somebody.

This week

Have the conversation. One person, before the car moves. Then write down what they said, exactly, even if it was nothing.